To All Our Lost Dreams
by lilmisswritergal4eva82719511
Summary: Six times Fidelio Gunn and Olivia Vertigo have had breakdowns when they weren't allowed to and the one time they didn't when they were.


Six times Fidelio Gunn and Olivia Vertigo have had breakdowns when they weren't allowed to and the one time they didn't when they were.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Charlie Bone series... Darn you, Jenny Nimmo. D: Actually, no, 'cause then I'd have nothing to write Fanfiction about :)

* * *

_i. I know, but I don't know_

He thinks maybe he should have waited just a bit longer. But he knows there are a million reasons not to do something, and you've got to take a chance on something, and all this other stuff that came from the American version of "The Office."

_Besides,_ he rationalizes, _if you went last, you'd lose your nerve. When you go first, you have no nerve to lose_.

He knows he's lying to himself, but it's the only thing that's making him step closer to that door.

So Fidelio Gunn steps through that door and he smiles politely and he plays _[and he knows while he's doing it that it won't be good enough]_ and they thank him and he leaves it's over.

A week later, he gets a letter in the mail and he knows what it's going to say but he reads it anyway and he thinks _I knew it I knew it I knew it_ as he reads _we must decline your invitation to join us_ and he thinks, _YOU were the ones who wanted me, so don't word things so stupidly_ and he goes to his room and shoves the letter in the bottom drawer of his desk. Then he goes and just sits on the sofa, not doing anything, just sitting and staring ahead of him because he feels empty and he's not sure why, since he _knew_ it was going to be like this, but the feeling's not going away and he just doesn't know what to do.

So he just sits on the sofa all days and stares ahead of him and thinks _I knew it I knew it I knew it_.

* * *

_ii. There's no point in trying for me_

She's at a wedding and she's not sure she wants to be there because it's way to early in the morning and she doesn't really know the bride or the groom, but they're apparently both mum's friends, so it doesn't really matter how she feels about it since she's going to be there anyway.

And Olivia Vertigo finds herself there in a green-and-pinky-purple dress her mother picked out _[that she hates because it's not her]_ and she looks at the soon-to-be-newlyweds and then at some children in her row. Then she looks around and she sees _so many_ little kids there and it just pulls at her gut. The couple's not going to last _[it's just that obvious that they're going to get a divorce in six months]_ but the children are so _happy_, that it's _ridiculous_.

And she can't _stand_ it. She can't stand their bright, shining eyes; those sweet, happy smiles; all the naïve innocence that just _radiates_ off of them all. It's sickening. Just wait until they're older and get disappointed, get their hearts broken, discover they're _endowed_…

Suddenly Olivia knows what this is about. She looks at the little flower girl with the pink wreath in her hair, at the boy holding the rings with happy eyes, at the little baby being cooed over in the corner by a couple of adults…

She sees images of them, only older, flash before her eyes and she realizes that she's waiting for them to become _her_. And she doesn't want that.

The second the wedding is over, Olivia disappears and no one can find her. And no one can get into the ladies washroom, since the door is strangely locked. They don't really try to get in either. They know not to disturb the person they hear sobbing on the other side of the door.

* * *

_iii. I'm second best and never more, forevermore_

He decided a long time ago that pressure absolutely _sucks_ but it's not like there's much he can do about it anyway. After all, his family is his family and they've been drilling these ideas in his head practically since he was born. They weren't crazy ridiculous, like most people would assume so it never worried him; because he always did them proud and he was happy with the rules he was given.

So of course, when he's at Bloor's, he practices and practices and practices until his fingers are sore and he can barely pick up the violin. And this time, for the concert, Fidelio doesn't just have a solo. No, he's leading the _whole freaking orchestra_.

And he's preparing more than everyone, because this is _important_ and he won't _[he absolutely, totally, utterly refuses to]_ mess it up. And everyone's going to be watching him. That includes his _parents_ and his _siblings_. He _can't_ mess this up; especially not now, when everyone in his family is doing so fantastic. Dad's been names the best Music teacher at the school; Felix's band is _this close_ to getting a record deal; Mimi's the head of her choir at school… Everyone's doing amazing. He can't fail them.

That's his mentality, and he keeps telling himself _you've got this you've got this you've got this_, which is exactly what leads him to messing up and leading the orchestra off course. Nobody without a musically-inclined-trained ear would've noticed it _[hell, half the orchestra probably didn't notice the slip up]_ but his family did. His flawless performance wasn't so flawless and he felt _terrible_.

His family was gracious about it, said that he did amazing, and talked about how he was wonderful. But he noticed the _teeniest-tiniest-littlest-itty-bitty_ speck of disappointment in everyone's eyes _[because he's just somehow that attuned to failure]_. The second he gets home, he locks himself in his room and by the next morning, the floor and the desk and the bookshelf and a bit of the bed even are just _filled_ with compositions; angry compositions about failure that are directed at himself. Because he's failed them and he's not the best and that means they raised him wrong. Or he just can't be, no matter how hard he tries. He doesn't know which idea hurts him more.

* * *

_iv. Test me, break me, 'cause I can't remake me_

She's having a day where she feels like everything just wants to bite her and she keeps thinking _Oh, God, just let this be over already_. So yeah, she's kind of moody because it's… you know; _that_ time of month, and because she _hate-hate-hates_ her life during that time.

So all her friends know better than to get on Olivia's bad side when she's acting uncharacteristically grouchy and does it bother her that Charlie, Gabriel, Tancred, Lysander, Billy, Fidelio always kind of end up knowing when her period schedule is? When she's not on it, yeah; when she is… she's glad they stay _out_ of her way.

The bad part is that _other_ people don't understand the meaning of _leave me alone or I will beat you to a bloody pulp and I can make it look like an accident and get away with it because I'm an actress_ and she just always wants to smack Gwyneth Hallows in general but there are times when it goes a little too far.

So when Gwyneth [_I'm-better-than-you-because-I-flaunt-my-talent-in-everyone's-faces] _Hallows decides to insult Olivia's acting _again_, Olivia cannot be held responsible for her actions. And honestly, it felt good to see the red mark on Gwyneth's face because she's been putting up with Hallow's trash-talk for years and there's a point where it's just plain _juvenile_.

Except, at the end of the day, when she finally gets off the high of _finally_ getting rid of _it_, Olivia realizes just what she's done and she's horrified and all her mind comes up with is _Oh, no, what have I done?_ and _Aren't you supposed to be better than that?_

She panics and slips and falls against the wall and the table with the vase comes crashing down to the floor. There's a small cut on her hand and that's when she realizes that yeah, Gwyneth's gone for good, but the way she did it… was it really the right way?

* * *

_v. Say what you will and you know I'll believe it_

He doesn't admit it very often, because it's not only embarrassing, but it's kind of just _bad_ and terribly wrong, for the _oh-so-obvious_ reasons. But as good as he usually is with keeping secrets, everyone knows so though he doesn't admit it often, he certainly never denies it.

That's right; Fidelio Gunn has had a crush on Olivia Vertigo since they were eleven.

And of course, she's going out with Damien Smerk, which no one understands because he's the kid who made fun of her always dying her hair when they were younger and Gabriel has hated his guts from day one and right now, Fidelio's not so fond of him either.

But Olivia's his friend and he's going to be super-super-super happy for her because honestly? What else _can_ he do? She seems happy _[she's an actress and he hopes she's faking]_ and who's he to judge _[besides being the guy who's been her best friend and admirer for the past six years]_?

So it doesn't help when Damien Smerk comes up to him and the first words out of his mouth are "I'm better for Olivia than you could ever be." _[That's when he understands why Gabriel always so tempted to knock the daylights out of this kid.]_

And then, Damien starts talking on and on and _on_ about what he could do for Olivia that Fidelio can't, which is honesty a terrible list _[completely, totally inaccurate]_ and Fidelio just reminds Damien that _Oh yeah, me and Liv are best friends so who are you to say we need to stay away from each other?_

Well, the message doesn't get through and Fidelio can't help but be in a sour mood. Then Gwyneth Hallows shows up, still kind of scared of Olivia after that incident last year when Olivia just slapped her and this brilliant _[brilliantly terrible]_ idea comes into his head and he strikes up a conversation and decides to just let it run from there.

Within the next month, Fidelio Gunn and Gwyneth Hallows are an item _[Fidelio's still trying to figure out just how that happened]_ and Olivia doesn't look at him the same _[especially when she's with Damien]_ and he feels so miserable and he just thinks that he's got no one to be angry with except himself for missing all his chances.

* * *

_vi. I trust you, so I trust you not to leave me_

She makes no secret of despising _you-know-who_, and she doesn't understand just what her friends find so appealing about _you-know-who_. She's not a very nice person, not at all, but she goes around flouncing like a happy, little pixie who is just so perfectly perfect that it's hard to hate her. Psh, what a lie.

So yeah, don't blame Olivia for not understanding _why_ Fidelio is going out with her. And it's bad enough that _you-know-who_ stole one of her best friends, but now she's going after Emma too, now, and she would just _love_ to throttle the little witch. Olivia knew that sooner or later, _you-know-who_ was going to say something that insulted someone and she'd laugh because _you-know-who's_ getting what's coming to her.

And Emma promises that she'll call at five o'clock tonight because of their History project and they really need the grade to pass and Olivia waits by the phone for hours. It finally rings at eight-thirty-seven with an apology that Emma got held up and that she's sorry. When Olivia asks what happened, Emma merely replies that she got talking with _you-know-who_ and Olivia can't stand it, so she makes up an excuse _[my mom's actually feeling sick, so it's okay you didn't call. I need to take care of her]_ and makes a promise to call back later _[which she won't do]_ and since she's actually home alone, she goes to her room and no one can hear the crashing noises of things breaking and the sobbing because _you-know-who_ has officially ruined her life without even trying. And Olivia knows that this was what _you-know-who_ wanted in the first place anyway.

* * *

_i. Misery loves company_

They're twenty-one and it's _their_ wedding day and everyone is in a fabulous mood… minus them, of course. They don't know why their here, because they certainly don't want to be. She's just had bad experiences with weddings and he's just thinking about how horrible the organ music is.

So at the back of the church, Fidelio Gunn and Olivia Vertigo sit, watching as Damien Smerk and Gwyneth Hallows make vows and promises to be together forever.

They somehow manage to sneak out of the place and don't watch it.

"You know…" Fidelio says with a monotone, "We should be miserable."

"It's been four years, Fido," Olivia answers as blankly, "We've moved on."

"No one else gets that, you know. They all think that we hate them for breaking our hearts and want to eternally curse them or something."

"You're right. We _should_ be miserable according to everyone else. But we're not."

"We should get married."

That surprises Olivia, but it doesn't show. "And why is that?" She asks.

"Misery loves company. And that way, we'd never be alone."

"We'll do that, one day." She grins.

He kisses her then, and she doesn't fight it because she's wanted this just as long as he has.

* * *

_-Five years later-_

"This is really bad."

"Everyone would try to kill me if they found out."

"Actually, Tancred couldn't. We all know where he was when it was his turn. It'd be hypocritical for him to do that."

"That's true. Then he'd probably be whistling at me, even if we told him that we didn't do anything."

"That's ridiculous. Tancred can't whistle. Only Gabriel can."

They both pause at Olivia's last comment. Then she says "You should go. As superstitious as it is, we don't want to chance it."

"I still don't believe it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."

"I don't care. At least go in another room. No chancing it."

"You believe the myth, don't you?"

"Absolutely."

So he gets off the couch, walks to the kitchen, sits on the dining table chair and calls "Fine. No chances. Then we wouldn't be miserable for the rest of our lives together, right?"

They both grin at that.

They _should_ be miserable together, but for once, they're actually _happy_.

* * *

**I don't know _why_ this was posted so late, but it was... Okay, actually I do. I kind of put it off, which I don't why I did. It was kind of just sitting there and I'm like "I've got a few hours. I'll work on it in a little bit." So... myyyyyy bad :$ And for anyone who read this between the time this was posted and 10:45 AM, I changed the ending! It's not as bad as before anymore... At least, I don't think. And it felt good writing Livvie/Fido again. I haven't in a while. :)**

**Word Count: 2,401**

**Time Posted: 11:59 PM**

**- May :)**

**P.S. My cousin read the first two parts and was really impressed, so I'm really happy. I just hope the other parts measure up. -Fingers crossed-**


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